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QUESTION:
*Bedroom carpet is a mauve pink - help me choose a color to paint the walls and decide my curtains!*?
First off, the carpet cannot be changed. Secondly, right now the walls are stark white and I'm not feeling it. Third, when I say mauve pink let me remind you it is not baby girl pink, nor is it barbie hot pink. Fourth, my room is real small. (I'd give measurements but I'm not there right now. But trust me, it's small.) It is also square-not rectangular or odd shaped. The ceiling is flat.
I also have three sets of curtains I can choose from. (The room only has one window.) I can put up solid mauve pink with cream white lace accent w/ matching valance; a sheer white lace curtain with floral design; or a sheer material with an all over rose design that looks like watercolors in various shades of pink.
As you can tell, I'm a feminine decorator. I am 19 years old. I like vintage things. I love roses! I love the whole vintage shabby chic look, french boudoir, victorian, or chic beach cottage look.
Feel free to add other suggestions!!!!! I love decorating!
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ANSWER:
you could paint the walls some sort of off-white or cream color, but if you aren't into playing it so safe, light grey would be nice. Or you could find out what shade of green best compliments mauve pink if you want to paint the walls green, or blue would be nice and bold.
I think I would go with light grey walls and the rose print curtain. Beautiful white curtain rods would be a nice accent, as would accent pillows that match the curtain and accompany your theme.
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QUESTION:
i would like to create a parisian theme room any ideas or links, UK websites please!?
at the moment my bedroom has one turquoise wall, and two white walls, i have another wall that has pictures from magazines stuck all over it. My bed is double and has a debra pattern. I have black lace curtains, i have always been obsessed by the eiffel tower and france and the french lanuage if anyone knows of any good websites that are UK only, please help me!!!!!
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QUESTION:
Are you a neat house keeper?
My house is our home, but although I like it clean and neat it does get cluttered more now than ever before. Why is that? My children are grown and live far away, so how is it I seem to keep it in such a mess? Hubby is no help except he will bring his laundry to the pantry to be washed. The living room and kitchen are kept clean and neat, even the visitors bath. That is because company can see these rooms. But the dining room and bedrooms are messy, newspapers, mags. books, everywhere. The dining room has clutter all over the table but I close the french doors (they have lace curtains) so folks won't see. I don't know If I have become lazy or just too tired to worry with it. We just live here, the house takes care of us now. Poppy
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ANSWER:
Sounds like you enjoy life more than being a "neat freak" LOL. I keep my bdrm. door closed due to the same reason. No one goes in there except me or the family and I don't care if they see it a mess..It's not filthy or have things growing in it or bugs crawling around, but it's lived in.When I get my very weak spells from the sarcoidosis I do well to make it to the kitchen. I've learned NOT to push myself so much and I feel much better for it.
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QUESTION:
WHAT COLOR WALLs?????????
my quilt is satin burgundy with beige french lace but i HATE beige walls. i want to go for a luxurious look. i'm 11 so i want it to last through my teen years without me getting bored of it. what color walls? ceiling? curtains? accessories?
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ANSWER:
Hard since you hate beige walls, what about champagne colour? Slightly more gold than beige maybe with a bit of shine? Team that with a deep red feature wall for something more dramatic? Or even cream walls with gold/red detail. As for curtains I'd say deep red velvet or dark wood blinds depending on your preference. Accessories-Vintage mirror and chandelier, matching throw pillows.
Check out:
http://mariesmanordecorating.com/french/bohemian-boudoir-moulin-rouge-style.html
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QUESTION:
Will this look okay for a bedroom?
i have a burgundy satin quilt with some beige french lace on the bottom and on the pillows and my curtains are burgundy. i am painting my room chocolate brown with a beige stripe on top. i was wondering for the ceiling should i paint it chocolate brown or burgundy?? i dont want white! o ya and all of my furniture is a dark brown. i dont really have a feature wall but i'm doing some stuff to make it look unique =P
or i was thinking about putting a strip of beige fabric on top instead of painting it to give it texture.. wat do u think?
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ANSWER:
Hanging fabric from the ceiling will be a dust collector and may cause allergies. I agree that a beige ceiling will work well and if you do not have crown molding I would suggest putting some up and painting it the same color beige. It sounds like an elegant room and the crown molding will really put on a finishing touch. I don't know how old you are, if it's your home or your parents but if it's your home another suggestion would be to check out wwwamericantinceilings.com and consider a decorative copper, brass or gold tin ceiling. It would give a very french look.
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QUESTION:
Hi, I would like some advice about paint colors for my kitchen. It was beige with medium wood tone cabinets?
It had dark gold countertops and dark gold vinyl floor. I painted the cabinets white, the walls light blue and the floor is done in white with light grey pattern vinyl tile. I haven't got the countertops done yet, but want them to be a light and medium grey speckled kind of color. I have white lace curtains. However, the light blue, while a pretty color, looks more like a bathroom or baby boy's room. I am going to repaint and am considering a couple of colors. 1) kind of pumpkin/terracota color 2) light peach 3) deep cinnabar/red--not bright red but a really rich dark red. The problem with the darker colors (which I am leaning toward) is that there are only two small windows--not much light. Plants die from lack of light, have to use only fake plants, etc. I want an elegant yet softened look (I love black wrought iron, clear heavy glass, candles, brass)--maybe kind of french country, shabby chic or tuscan look. Help???? Thanks for any assistance.
Thank you all so much--you gave me some interesting ideas. Particularly the idea of yellow and blue--very tuscan/country french. I might try the yellow but maybe not just a plain yellow, maybe a faux finish to look like old plaster with a warm yellow--the blue something like a cobalt or deep cornflower blue? I had actually considered yellow at one time but didn't want to be too "cutesy." Thanks again!
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ANSWER:
If you lack of light in the kitchen you want to stay away from any darker colors, it will only make it look smaller and darker, hence depressing! Pale yellow would be beautiful on the walls with the white cabinets and white wood work. You might want to think about adding some crown moldings around the top of your walls, this always adds richness to your home. Along with accents of your black wrought iron such as your candle sticks, wine rack, paper towel holder, or napkin holder. Don't forget your cabinet knobs and drawer pulls. They are jewelry for your cabinets. They have some beautiful black iron ones. Think about a large clear glass container like a ginger jar with lid filled with artificial lemons to place on your counter. A couple of wrought iron baskets filled with greenery will really add color and brighten things up. For your blue think about your place mats or a table runner, towels, pot holders, rugs on the floor, and candles. Also think about blue mats around a couple of nice prints for the wall. You put all this together and you will have a very elegant and classy kitchen. Hope this helps.
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QUESTION:
What is an unusual way of dressing my French Windows?
They're quite wide in addition to being tall...I have tried simple white voile, lace, plain velvet...but nothing looks right...either it looks to big and heavy or too flimsy...the window/doors look out onto the garden and my husband finds it disconcerting with nothing on them (Which I tried)....what will look good? Colour scheme is red, beige, cream.....the look of the room is ecclectic...a mix of vintage and new....the other window has beautiful original 50s curtains with a rose print..they are of very good quality and so eclipse whatever I put on the big windows...I dont want to get rid of my 50s rose curtains...
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ANSWER:
You need to look at tons of photographs to get lots of ideas try this. Go into Google or Yahoo image search. Key in french window dressings, blinds, window coverings or whatever you think best describes the item you're looking for. Voila, you now have thousands of photographs to choose from. Most images link to a website for more information and or links to where you can buy from. Below is an article I found that you might find interesting, good luck!
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QUESTION:
Am I an ok writer? please read the beginning of my story.?
don't plan on being that good of a writer, but i was just wondering if you think if my book beginning was a good. i'm 12 years old and love to write. next year i'm going in seventh grade. Feel free to write some suggestions and go to this website to read more. Thanks!
http://www.worthyofpublishing.com/chapte...
The sun shone through the closed curtains of my new bedroom. How could so much change in one week?
What felt like forever was now just the beginning of my new life. It had all started when my Mom, Stephanie, fell down with cancer. My Stepfather had kept telling me everything was going to be all right, but even my Mom wasn’t afraid to tell me that it wasn’t.
Just yesterday I was wearing a black dress, and crying; ruining my mascara as it ran down my cheeks. It had gotten my face all pudgy and big.
Now I was stuck here with my real father who I hadn’t met until my Mother’s funeral had started.
His name was Max. He was quite handsome and was only in his thirties. To my mom he was just the man who had gotten her pregnant at seventeen.
That’s what I wanted to think of him as, but he wasn’t that man anymore. It was a different feeling than what I had felt when I heard about the stories my mom had told me about him.
He might not be dad now, but he could be my friend sometime. Max wasn’t that bad after all.
The first time that we looked at each other, our jaws dropped, from how close the resemblances were. He had short dark brown hair, which was the color of milk chocolate. My hair was almost the same color, but just a tint lighter from my mom’s blond hair. His blue eyes twinkled, from the happiness in his eyes. Just like mine did. Except for not right now. Max had the same dimple in his chin. The one where when you smiled you could see it right away. It was like his signature for his face.
That thought made me laugh. I touched my chin where my dimple showed. But mine was deeper written in my face.
I rubbed my eyes and got up from the double bed. I could smell fried eggs and bacon being made downstairs while someone hummed with joy. Max was a professional chef, unlike my mom. My mom couldn’t make cereal. I remember always having to make everything for dinner and holidays. It would be a change having a break for once.
I went to the over sized closet doors and opened the French closet doors.
I gasped from what I saw. The closet was at least ten yards long and the width was not even imaginable. Row after row was the most fancy clothes that you could think of. Wow, I guess Max wanted me to feel welcome.
I went to the rail that was closest and grabbed a pair of jeans. I tried to remember this rail would come in handy for school. The new school was going to be hard to get used to. I never fit into anywhere. My mom had tried so much for me to make friends, but it was just not possible.
I walked down to the far sidewall and looked at every shirt. I picked out one with a v-shaped neckline that was a light gray and with lace at the bottom. Looks like Max had some average clothes too, incase I wasn’t like other girls. I would have to remind myself to thank him later.
I heard footsteps and a light knock on the door.
“ May I come in?”
“ Um, sure,” The door opened and Max smiled, seeing that I had found my way into the big closet.
“ Hey I thought you might want some breakfast before you go to school. You hungry?” Just then my stomach growled and Max smiled even more.
“ I guess I wouldn’t mind some breakfast,”
We walked down to the kitchen together and I took a seat on a stool. The smell of breakfast was overwhelming. Max put a plate full of strawberries, eggs, toast, and bacon in front of me. He started humming and moving around the kitchen.
I couldn’t help, but to smile at him. “What?” He asked with a wide grin across his face.
“Nothing. I’m just not used to being with you, that’s all.” He came to my side and put his right arm over my shoulders.
“ Well, Truce you better get used to this, because this is who I am,” He paused and turned to put his lips right next to my ear, “I’m not used to having a girl in the house so you got to be patient with me,” It was a very soft whisper.
I knew that this would be so easy to get used to. Why did my mom just let him go like this? This was my father and I knew that there would come a day when I really could call him Dad.
Max got up and paced to the counter and opened up a cupboard. On the top shelf was a crinkled brown envelope. He took it in his hands and went back to where I was sitting. He handed the envelope and I just stared at his face.
“What’s this?” I was stunned by the look that Max wore on his face. It was puzzled and just as bit curious as I was. It showed me that he had no clue what that envelope contained.
“I don’t know. Your Mother sent it to me, knowing that you would come and live with me, but I never opened it. I wanted to wait until you were actually here.”
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ANSWER:
Not bad!
Just some grammar. When you have something in quotes, don't put a space between the word and the quote. So it should be. "Well, Truce you better get used to this . . ." instead of " Well, Truce . . ."
Some comma mistakes. Also, when you're addressing someone who goes by a family name (Mom, stepfather, etc) it's capital, but when you're saying something with A or THE or YOUR or MY or something like that, it's not captial (ex. "I don't know. Your mother sent it to me, knowing . . ."
But I like the story.
Also, in an answer, you said you have published a book, but on your . . . Yahoo channel and up here, apparently not.
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QUESTION:
Do you think i'm an ok writer?
I don't plan on being that good of a writer, but i was just wondering if you think if my book beginning was a good. i'm 12 years old and love to write. next year i'm going in seventh grade. Feel free to write some suggestions and go to this website to read more. Thanks!
http://www.worthyofpublishing.com/chapte...
The sun shone through the closed curtains of my new bedroom. How could so much change in one week?
What felt like forever was now just the beginning of my new life. It had all started when my Mom, Stephanie, fell down with cancer. My Stepfather had kept telling me everything was going to be all right, but even my Mom wasn’t afraid to tell me that it wasn’t.
Just yesterday I was wearing a black dress, and crying; ruining my mascara as it ran down my cheeks. It had gotten my face all pudgy and big.
Now I was stuck here with my real father who I hadn’t met until my Mother’s funeral had started.
His name was Max. He was quite handsome and was only in his thirties. To my mom he was just the man who had gotten her pregnant at seventeen.
That’s what I wanted to think of him as, but he wasn’t that man anymore. It was a different feeling than what I had felt when I heard about the stories my mom had told me about him.
He might not be dad now, but he could be my friend sometime. Max wasn’t that bad after all.
The first time that we looked at each other, our jaws dropped, from how close the resemblances were. He had short dark brown hair, which was the color of milk chocolate. My hair was almost the same color, but just a tint lighter from my mom’s blond hair. His blue eyes twinkled, from the happiness in his eyes. Just like mine did. Except for not right now. Max had the same dimple in his chin. The one where when you smiled you could see it right away. It was like his signature for his face.
That thought made me laugh. I touched my chin where my dimple showed. But mine was deeper written in my face.
I rubbed my eyes and got up from the double bed. I could smell fried eggs and bacon being made downstairs while someone hummed with joy. Max was a professional chef, unlike my mom. My mom couldn’t make cereal. I remember always having to make everything for dinner and holidays. It would be a change having a break for once.
I went to the over sized closet doors and opened the French closet doors.
I gasped from what I saw. The closet was at least ten yards long and the width was not even imaginable. Row after row was the most fancy clothes that you could think of. Wow, I guess Max wanted me to feel welcome.
I went to the rail that was closest and grabbed a pair of jeans. I tried to remember this rail would come in handy for school. The new school was going to be hard to get used to. I never fit into anywhere. My mom had tried so much for me to make friends, but it was just not possible.
I walked down to the far sidewall and looked at every shirt. I picked out one with a v-shaped neckline that was a light gray and with lace at the bottom. Looks like Max had some average clothes too, incase I wasn’t like other girls. I would have to remind myself to thank him later.
I heard footsteps and a light knock on the door.
“ May I come in?”
“ Um, sure,” The door opened and Max smiled, seeing that I had found my way into the big closet.
“ Hey I thought you might want some breakfast before you go to school. You hungry?” Just then my stomach growled and Max smiled even more.
“ I guess I wouldn’t mind some breakfast,”
We walked down to the kitchen together and I took a seat on a stool. The smell of breakfast was overwhelming. Max put a plate full of strawberries, eggs, toast, and bacon in front of me. He started humming and moving around the kitchen.
I couldn’t help, but to smile at him. “What?” He asked with a wide grin across his face.
“Nothing. I’m just not used to being with you, that’s all.” He came to my side and put his right arm over my shoulders.
“ Well, Truce you better get used to this, because this is who I am,” He paused and turned to put his lips right next to my ear, “I’m not used to having a girl in the house so you got to be patient with me,” It was a very soft whisper.
I knew that this would be so easy to get used to. Why did my mom just let him go like this? This was my father and I knew that there would come a day when I really could call him Dad.
Max got up and paced to the counter and opened up a cupboard. On the top shelf was a crinkled brown envelope. He took it in his hands and went back to where I was sitting. He handed the envelope and I just stared at his face.
“What’s this?” I was stunned by the look that Max wore on his face. It was puzzled and just as bit curious as I was. It showed me that he had no clue what that envelope contained.
“I don’t know. Your Mother sent it to me, knowing that you would come and live with me, but I never opened it. I wanted to wait until you were actually here.”
-
ANSWER:
wow this is really good if your only 12! keep up the work cause i want something exciting to happen!
the only thing i noticed that bugged me was this
"I went to the over sized closet doors and opened the French closet doors"
you say closet doors twice, instead say "I went to the over sized French doors and found the closet." or something like that.
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QUESTION:
Do you think I'm an ok writer?I wanted you to tell me what you thought of my rough draft. Thanks!?
don't plan on being that good of a writer, but i was just wondering if you think if my book beginning was a good. i'm 12 years old and love to write. next year i'm going in seventh grade. Feel free to write some suggestions and go to this website to read more. Thanks!
http://www.worthyofpublishing.com/chapte...
The sun shone through the closed curtains of my new bedroom. How could so much change in one week?
What felt like forever was now just the beginning of my new life. It had all started when my Mom, Stephanie, fell down with cancer. My Stepfather had kept telling me everything was going to be all right, but even my Mom wasn’t afraid to tell me that it wasn’t.
Just yesterday I was wearing a black dress, and crying; ruining my mascara as it ran down my cheeks. It had gotten my face all pudgy and big.
Now I was stuck here with my real father who I hadn’t met until my Mother’s funeral had started.
His name was Max. He was quite handsome and was only in his thirties. To my mom he was just the man who had gotten her pregnant at seventeen.
That’s what I wanted to think of him as, but he wasn’t that man anymore. It was a different feeling than what I had felt when I heard about the stories my mom had told me about him.
He might not be dad now, but he could be my friend sometime. Max wasn’t that bad after all.
The first time that we looked at each other, our jaws dropped, from how close the resemblances were. He had short dark brown hair, which was the color of milk chocolate. My hair was almost the same color, but just a tint lighter from my mom’s blond hair. His blue eyes twinkled, from the happiness in his eyes. Just like mine did. Except for not right now. Max had the same dimple in his chin. The one where when you smiled you could see it right away. It was like his signature for his face.
That thought made me laugh. I touched my chin where my dimple showed. But mine was deeper written in my face.
I rubbed my eyes and got up from the double bed. I could smell fried eggs and bacon being made downstairs while someone hummed with joy. Max was a professional chef, unlike my mom. My mom couldn’t make cereal. I remember always having to make everything for dinner and holidays. It would be a change having a break for once.
I went to the over sized closet doors and opened the French closet doors.
I gasped from what I saw. The closet was at least ten yards long and the width was not even imaginable. Row after row was the most fancy clothes that you could think of. Wow, I guess Max wanted me to feel welcome.
I went to the rail that was closest and grabbed a pair of jeans. I tried to remember this rail would come in handy for school. The new school was going to be hard to get used to. I never fit into anywhere. My mom had tried so much for me to make friends, but it was just not possible.
I walked down to the far sidewall and looked at every shirt. I picked out one with a v-shaped neckline that was a light gray and with lace at the bottom. Looks like Max had some average clothes too, incase I wasn’t like other girls. I would have to remind myself to thank him later.
I heard footsteps and a light knock on the door.
“ May I come in?”
“ Um, sure,” The door opened and Max smiled, seeing that I had found my way into the big closet.
“ Hey I thought you might want some breakfast before you go to school. You hungry?” Just then my stomach growled and Max smiled even more.
“ I guess I wouldn’t mind some breakfast,”
We walked down to the kitchen together and I took a seat on a stool. The smell of breakfast was overwhelming. Max put a plate full of strawberries, eggs, toast, and bacon in front of me. He started humming and moving around the kitchen.
I couldn’t help, but to smile at him. “What?” He asked with a wide grin across his face.
“Nothing. I’m just not used to being with you, that’s all.” He came to my side and put his right arm over my shoulders.
“ Well, Truce you better get used to this, because this is who I am,” He paused and turned to put his lips right next to my ear, “I’m not used to having a girl in the house so you got to be patient with me,” It was a very soft whisper.
I knew that this would be so easy to get used to. Why did my mom just let him go like this? This was my father and I knew that there would come a day when I really could call him Dad.
Max got up and paced to the counter and opened up a cupboard. On the top shelf was a crinkled brown envelope. He took it in his hands and went back to where I was sitting. He handed the envelope and I just stared at his face.
“What’s this?” I was stunned by the look that Max wore on his face. It was puzzled and just as bit curious as I was. It showed me that he had no clue what that envelope contained.
“I don’t know. Your Mother sent it to me, knowing that you would come and live with me, but I never opened it. I wanted to wait until you were actually here.”
sorry about my horrible writing when it goes, 'I went to the over sized closet doors and opened the French closet doors.' That was just so horribly written I'll fix it. Besides that, how can I make my writing better?
try this link instead:
http://www.worthyofpublishing.com/chapter.asp?chapter_ID=8286
on the link it skips so you have to read the discription. I only have this chapter on there and not the ones in between so it might not make a lot of sense
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ANSWER:
omg...its really really really good...lol i wanted to keep reading it but wen i clicked on the website, it wouldnt go...i really have no suggestions for you cuz its so freaking good...it actually sounds like a real novel...its really good...keep up the good work and good luck...hope u get to publish it one day so i can read it or something...lol i wonder what the conflict is...anyways...good luck
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QUESTION:
What do you think of my story? Be as critical as you can for my story. Thanks!?
don't plan on being that good of a writer, but i was just wondering if you think if my book beginning was a good. i'm 12 years old and love to write. next year i'm going in seventh grade. Feel free to write some suggestions and go to this website to read more. Thanks!
http://www.worthyofpublishing.com/chapte...
The sun shone through the closed curtains of my new bedroom. How could so much change in one week?
What felt like forever was now just the beginning of my new life. It had all started when my Mom, Stephanie, fell down with cancer. My Stepfather had kept telling me everything was going to be all right, but even my Mom wasn’t afraid to tell me that it wasn’t.
Just yesterday I was wearing a black dress, and crying; ruining my mascara as it ran down my cheeks. It had gotten my face all pudgy and big.
Now I was stuck here with my real father who I hadn’t met until my Mother’s funeral had started.
His name was Max. He was quite handsome and was only in his thirties. To my mom he was just the man who had gotten her pregnant at seventeen.
That’s what I wanted to think of him as, but he wasn’t that man anymore. It was a different feeling than what I had felt when I heard about the stories my mom had told me about him.
He might not be dad now, but he could be my friend sometime. Max wasn’t that bad after all.
The first time that we looked at each other, our jaws dropped, from how close the resemblances were. He had short dark brown hair, which was the color of milk chocolate. My hair was almost the same color, but just a tint lighter from my mom’s blond hair. His blue eyes twinkled, from the happiness in his eyes. Just like mine did. Except for not right now. Max had the same dimple in his chin. The one where when you smiled you could see it right away. It was like his signature for his face.
That thought made me laugh. I touched my chin where my dimple showed. But mine was deeper written in my face.
I rubbed my eyes and got up from the double bed. I could smell fried eggs and bacon being made downstairs while someone hummed with joy. Max was a professional chef, unlike my mom. My mom couldn’t make cereal. I remember always having to make everything for dinner and holidays. It would be a change having a break for once.
I went to the over sized closet doors and opened the French closet doors.
I gasped from what I saw. The closet was at least ten yards long and the width was not even imaginable. Row after row was the most fancy clothes that you could think of. Wow, I guess Max wanted me to feel welcome.
I went to the rail that was closest and grabbed a pair of jeans. I tried to remember this rail would come in handy for school. The new school was going to be hard to get used to. I never fit into anywhere. My mom had tried so much for me to make friends, but it was just not possible.
I walked down to the far sidewall and looked at every shirt. I picked out one with a v-shaped neckline that was a light gray and with lace at the bottom. Looks like Max had some average clothes too, incase I wasn’t like other girls. I would have to remind myself to thank him later.
I heard footsteps and a light knock on the door.
“ May I come in?”
“ Um, sure,” The door opened and Max smiled, seeing that I had found my way into the big closet.
“ Hey I thought you might want some breakfast before you go to school. You hungry?” Just then my stomach growled and Max smiled even more.
“ I guess I wouldn’t mind some breakfast,”
We walked down to the kitchen together and I took a seat on a stool. The smell of breakfast was overwhelming. Max put a plate full of strawberries, eggs, toast, and bacon in front of me. He started humming and moving around the kitchen.
I couldn’t help, but to smile at him. “What?” He asked with a wide grin across his face.
“Nothing. I’m just not used to being with you, that’s all.” He came to my side and put his right arm over my shoulders.
“ Well, Truce you better get used to this, because this is who I am,” He paused and turned to put his lips right next to my ear, “I’m not used to having a girl in the house so you got to be patient with me,” It was a very soft whisper.
I knew that this would be so easy to get used to. Why did my mom just let him go like this? This was my father and I knew that there would come a day when I really could call him Dad.
Max got up and paced to the counter and opened up a cupboard. On the top shelf was a crinkled brown envelope. He took it in his hands and went back to where I was sitting. He handed the envelope and I just stared at his face.
“What’s this?” I was stunned by the look that Max wore on his face. It was puzzled and just as bit curious as I was. It showed me that he had no clue what that envelope contained.
“I don’t know. Your Mother sent it to me, knowing that you would come and live with me, but I never opened it. I wanted to wait until you were actually here.”
12 minutes ago - 4 days left to answer.
Additional Details
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ANSWER:
try using
http://helpmeedit.webs.com
they offer free professional feedback
they're trustworth dw about that
they gave me a page and a half of excellent feedback
-
QUESTION:
Would you consider reading my book if it was in the stores? Please read!?
Preface
I stood there in the farm field with him. I gripped his hand even tighter as I heard the march come louder and louder. This was it. It was the place where I was going to die. I looked up to see the same feelings written on his face as mine. As everyone stood silent just waiting, Joel said two words that screamed from his insides since the moment he found out the news, “Just leave,” I stood there silent as he said it, but I couldn’t ignore it. I thought of the last months with him, the time he showed me his real life, how every moment I had with him was the best times of my life, and that’s when I had the confidence to tell him in a whisper, “Never,” Everything changed in the next second and we braced ourselves for the worst, for that’s when we saw the two thousand marchers stop at a dead halt on top of the hill.
Change
The sun shone through the closed curtains of my new bedroom. How could so much change in one week?
What felt like forever was now just the beginning of my new life. It had all started when my Mom, Stephanie, fell down with cancer. My Stepfather had kept telling me everything was going to be all right, but even my Mom wasn’t afraid to tell me that it wasn’t.
Just yesterday I was wearing a black dress, and crying; ruining my mascara as it ran down my cheeks. It had gotten my face all pudgy and big.
Now I was stuck here with my real father who I hadn’t met until my Mother’s funeral had started.
His name was Max. He was quite handsome and was only in his thirties. To my mom he was just the man who had gotten her pregnant at seventeen.
That’s what I wanted to think of him as, but he wasn’t that man anymore. It was a different feeling than what I had felt when I heard about the stories my mom had told me about him.
He might not be dad now, but he could be my friend sometime. Max wasn’t that bad after all.
The first time that we looked at each other, our jaws dropped, from how close the resemblances were. He had short dark brown hair, which was the color of milk chocolate. My hair was almost the same color, but just a tint lighter from my mom’s blond hair. His blue eyes twinkled, from the happiness in his eyes. Just like mine did. Except for not right now. Max had the same dimple in his chin. The one where when you smiled you could see it right away. It was like his signature for his face.
That thought made me laugh. I touched my chin where my dimple showed. But mine was deeper written in my face.
I rubbed my eyes and got up from the double bed. I could smell fried eggs and bacon being made downstairs while someone hummed with joy. Max was a professional chef, unlike my mom. My mom couldn’t make cereal. I remember always having to make everything for dinner and holidays. It would be a change having a break for once.
I went to the over sized closet doors and opened the French closet doors.
I gasped from what I saw. The closet was at least ten yards long and the width was not even imaginable. Row after row was the most fancy clothes that you could think of. Wow, I guess Max wanted me to feel welcome.
I went to the rail that was closest and grabbed a pair of jeans. I tried to remember this rail would come in handy for school. The new school was going to be hard to get used to. I never fit into anywhere. My mom had tried so much for me to make friends, but it was just not possible.
I walked down to the far sidewall and looked at every shirt. I picked out one with a v-shaped neckline that was a light gray and with lace at the bottom. Looks like Max had some average clothes too, incase I wasn’t like other girls. I would have to remind myself to thank him later.
I heard footsteps and a light knock on the door.
“ May I come in?”
“ Um, sure,” The door opened and Max smiled, seeing that I had found my way into the big closet.
“ Hey I thought you might want some breakfast before you go to school. You hungry?” Just then my stomach growled and Max smiled even more.
“ I guess I wouldn’t mind some breakfast,”
We walked down to the kitchen together and I took a seat on a stool. The smell of breakfast was overwhelming. The air was full of the delicious smell of fresh bread, seasonings, and bacon beginning made in a pan. Max put a plate full of strawberries, eggs, toast, and bacon in front of me. He started humming and moving around the kitchen.
I couldn’t help, but to smile at him. “What?” He asked with a wide grin across his face.
“Nothing. I’m just not used to being with you, that’s all.” He came to my side and put his right arm over my shoulders.
“ Well, Lizzy you better get used to this, because this is who I am,” He paused and turned to put his lips right next to my ear, “I’m not used to having a girl in the house so you got to be patient with me,” It was a very soft whisper.
I knew that this would be so easy to get used to. Why did my mom just let him go like this? This was my father and I k
-
ANSWER:
The whole preface, with the "This was it, I'm going to die here," is overdone. It also reminded me of the Twilight series. I'm sorry, I know you probably didn't want to hear that, but it did. It may end up being nothing like the series, but your story, especially the preface, had similarities to the series.
It got me sort of put off right from the start, but I continued to read the rest of it.
It's decent. Some of your sentences don't flow, some of them confuse me a little bit. Read it out loud while writing and if you catch any of those problems, fix them. You can do that in various ways, by either getting rid of some sentences that aren't necessary, combining sentences, and just moving the words in the sentences around.
But the question was if I would read this if I found it in stores. Well, I don't know. Usually, when I go to the book store, I read the back of the book and then decide. You only showed us an excerpt here, you didn't tell us what it was about. I can't really judge if I would.
If you would like to write a summary, and add it on here, I wouldn't mind adding a proper response here too.
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QUESTION:
What do you think of my story? Be as critical as you can for my story.?
Thanks!?
don't plan on being that good of a writer, but i was just wondering if you think if my book beginning was a good. i'm 12 years old and love to write. next year i'm going in seventh grade. Feel free to write some suggestions and go to this website to read more. Thanks!
http://www.worthyofpublishing.com/chapte...
The sun shone through the closed curtains of my new bedroom. How could so much change in one week?
What felt like forever was now just the beginning of my new life. It had all started when my Mom, Stephanie, fell down with cancer. My Stepfather had kept telling me everything was going to be all right, but even my Mom wasn’t afraid to tell me that it wasn’t.
Just yesterday I was wearing a black dress, and crying; ruining my mascara as it ran down my cheeks. It had gotten my face all pudgy and big.
Now I was stuck here with my real father who I hadn’t met until my Mother’s funeral had started.
His name was Max. He was quite handsome and was only in his thirties. To my mom he was just the man who had gotten her pregnant at seventeen.
That’s what I wanted to think of him as, but he wasn’t that man anymore. It was a different feeling than what I had felt when I heard about the stories my mom had told me about him.
He might not be dad now, but he could be my friend sometime. Max wasn’t that bad after all.
The first time that we looked at each other, our jaws dropped, from how close the resemblances were. He had short dark brown hair, which was the color of milk chocolate. My hair was almost the same color, but just a tint lighter from my mom’s blond hair. His blue eyes twinkled, from the happiness in his eyes. Just like mine did. Except for not right now. Max had the same dimple in his chin. The one where when you smiled you could see it right away. It was like his signature for his face.
That thought made me laugh. I touched my chin where my dimple showed. But mine was deeper written in my face.
I rubbed my eyes and got up from the double bed. I could smell fried eggs and bacon being made downstairs while someone hummed with joy. Max was a professional chef, unlike my mom. My mom couldn’t make cereal. I remember always having to make everything for dinner and holidays. It would be a change having a break for once.
I went to the over sized closet doors and opened the French closet doors.
I gasped from what I saw. The closet was at least ten yards long and the width was not even imaginable. Row after row was the most fancy clothes that you could think of. Wow, I guess Max wanted me to feel welcome.
I went to the rail that was closest and grabbed a pair of jeans. I tried to remember this rail would come in handy for school. The new school was going to be hard to get used to. I never fit into anywhere. My mom had tried so much for me to make friends, but it was just not possible.
I walked down to the far sidewall and looked at every shirt. I picked out one with a v-shaped neckline that was a light gray and with lace at the bottom. Looks like Max had some average clothes too, incase I wasn’t like other girls. I would have to remind myself to thank him later.
I heard footsteps and a light knock on the door.
“ May I come in?”
“ Um, sure,” The door opened and Max smiled, seeing that I had found my way into the big closet.
“ Hey I thought you might want some breakfast before you go to school. You hungry?” Just then my stomach growled and Max smiled even more.
“ I guess I wouldn’t mind some breakfast,”
We walked down to the kitchen together and I took a seat on a stool. The smell of breakfast was overwhelming. Max put a plate full of strawberries, eggs, toast, and bacon in front of me. He started humming and moving around the kitchen.
I couldn’t help, but to smile at him. “What?” He asked with a wide grin across his face.
“Nothing. I’m just not used to being with you, that’s all.” He came to my side and put his right arm over my shoulders.
“ Well, Truce you better get used to this, because this is who I am,” He paused and turned to put his lips right next to my ear, “I’m not used to having a girl in the house so you got to be patient with me,” It was a very soft whisper.
I knew that this would be so easy to get used to. Why did my mom just let him go like this? This was my father and I knew that there would come a day when I really could call him Dad.
Max got up and paced to the counter and opened up a cupboard. On the top shelf was a crinkled brown envelope. He took it in his hands and went back to where I was sitting. He handed the envelope and I just stared at his face.
“What’s this?” I was stunned by the look that Max wore on his face. It was puzzled and just as bit curious as I was. It showed me that he had no clue what that envelope contained.
“I don’t know. Your Mother sent it to me, knowing that you would come and live with me, but I never opened it. I wanted to wait until you were actually here.”
-
ANSWER:
One of the most useful pieces of advice my creative writing teacher ever gave me was "show, don't tell". If you can find a way of expressing your characters' emotions through tangible descriptions and actions instead of simply saying what they're thinking or feeling, it will make your writing so much stronger. As the person before me said, watch out for things like repetition- for example "He had short dark brown hair, which was the color of milk chocolate" is redundant. Overall it's a nice piece, especially for someone so young :]
-
QUESTION:
Opinion on the beginning of my story about a teenage stripper?
PRETTY ON THE INSIDE
I was aware of my underwear being slightly dirty and slightly too loose. I wondered if I could pin it discreetly in the back to keep it up and if it would look weird. I was self conscious of the pink and white patterns, patches of feminine polka dots, plaid, and stripes, that loosely patched together to form this lingerie. No. Not lingerie. Lingerie was a word too sophisticated for what I was wearing. It implied beautiful, sexy girls in lace, who could speak French and kiss well. Long legs and lipstick. I, on the other hand, speak a half-assed Spanish and and am slightly stubby. I have had few boyfriends and lipstick only adds attention to my yellow teeth. I was not wearing any lingerie. No. The patterns that loomed and wove themselves self between my legs instead brought another word to mind. Panties. Panties evoked images of sluts who strip to pay rent and sleep with married men. And I was, indead, wearing panties. They were too thin in some places, too thick in others. Worn from wear. They looked childish, girly, young on my adolescent legs. Vulnerable. I wondered how many people were paying to see me to look exactly like that. Creeps in the audience, disgusted and pleased at the same time to the pleasant surprise of their own b0ner to a teenager. A virtual child. I might have hated my job, but I was can't deny that I'm good at it. I felt my panties sag in the back and pulled them up a bit, my shaky fingers slipping on the silky fabric, struggling to make them stay in the desired position. Not sagging around my @ss, high on my hips. My mom bought them for me about a year and a half ago, expecting them to only be worn under jeans, only to be worn when my cuter underwear was in the wash. She never intended it to be worn like this. But here I was. In panties. Behind the curtain, a small veil shielding me from perverts, distancing me only feet away from their penises and grime. I was so many worlds closer to them then I wanted to be. The curtain was lifted, and I was greeted with yells and bright light. Slut. Whore. Strip. The abuse was my applause. It meant I was doing it right. I shook my skinny, teenage hips a little and tried to vacate my mind, lend it to their vacuum souls. My panties came off with a smile.
-
QUESTION:
Can you give me some advice on my short introduction to a story about teenage prostitution?
Introduction:
My underwear was too dirty and too loose. I wondered if I could pin it discreetly in the back to keep it up and if that would look weird. I was self conscious of the pink and white patterns, patches of feminine polka dots, plaid, and stripes, that loosely patched together to form this lingerie. No. Not lingerie. Lingerie was a word too sophisticated for what I was wearing. It implied beautiful, sexy girls in lace, who could speak French and kiss well. Long legs and lipstick. I, on the other hand, speak a half-assed Spanish and and am stubby. I've had few boyfriends and lipstick only adds attention to my yellow teeth. I was not wearing any lingerie. No. The patterns that loomed and wove themselves self between my legs instead lent another word. Panties. Sluts who strip to pay rent and sleep with married men wear panties, not lingerie, but panties. And I was, indeed, wearing panties, somehow on same level of the strippers and seductresses.
The fabric was too thin in some places, too thick in others, the colors fading. The white tinged with pink from the time I accidently washed them with the colors instead of whites. That time now seemed like ages ago. They looked childish, girly, young on my adolescent legs. Vulnerable. I wondered how many people were paying to see me to look exactly like that. I imagined creeps in the audience, both disgusted and pleased at the same time to their own b0ner for the ugly teenager. A virtual child.
I might have hated my job, but I can't deny that it's what I'm good at. My panties started to sag in the back and pulled them up a bit, my shaky fingers slipping on the silky fabric, struggling to make them stay in the desired position: not sagging around my @ss, high on my hips. My mom bought them for me about a year and a half ago, expecting them to only be worn under jeans and tights, only to be worn when my cuter underwear was in the wash. She never intended them to, obviously, be worn like this. But here I was. In panties. Behind the curtain, soon to be lifted, a small veil shielding me from the perverts on the other side. It distanced me only feet away from the creeps' ready penises and repellent grime. I was so many worlds closer to them then I wanted to be. My audience was made up of people I'd naturally avoid on the street. The kind of people who would never have to be left by their wives, because no one would marry them in the first place.The curtain was lifted, and I was greeted with yells and bright lights. I heard the usual. Slut. Whore. Strip. Choke. Grind. Btich. The abuse was my applause. It meant I was doing it right. It was flung at me and I had no choice but to accept it gladly. I shook my skinny, awkward hips a little and they gave me approval. Fukcnig Harpy. Take off your bra. More. I tried to vacate my mind, lend it to their vacuum souls, lend it to the glitter pole and false glamour of the moment. My panties came off with a smile.
-
QUESTION:
Please read...feedback needed!!
Abstract Short Stories?
Blind
Turning and spinning so fast, the wheels on my bike looked blurred and distorted spinning out of control but the rubber gripped the road so firmly I felt safe for a while, I might dismantle this bloody bike when I get home, put him on his head, unscrew his bolts that hold him firmly together, piece by piece I will dissect his anatomy until beside me on the drive he will lye in segments of metal bars, long screws, short screws, bolts, buckles rubber and rust. I decided to take a walk instead, possibly not instead but for now a walk it is. I find it quite odd at this time of night, the thick cold air with its mist drawing patterns in the nothingness, distorted clouds swim almost unnoticed high above, I find it odd why people choose to lock their doors, swoosh shut their curtains resigning to their beloved sofa trapping their minds with modern times and it’s twisted agenda, does this mean they now have twisted agendas to?
The day
Small stones crept up between my toes as I pushed one foot in front of the other, walking with haste and trepidation I noticed the landmark, the landmark I put on the map of directions to my past. The air was warm but it held a steady breeze which on occasion disturbed my memories. I slipped off my shoes, tied the laces together and hung them round my neck. The water tickled my toes, I liked it, so I sat down in the exact spot I had that day, allowing the water to work its way up my calf. In the distance I can see hair floating, the not quite “normal” looking pinkish mass bobbing for attention, I ran, swam scooped the mass up on my back and with one arm swam back to the spot I had been sat in not 5 minutes ago, warming my flesh under the hot summer sun. I tried I said to myself, I tried….But the flesh didn’t warm, the signs did not come, the hair dried under the suns intense heat and I remember thinking……. So this is what its like! I no longer fear for my day which is the oddest thing, as I still fear for theirs.
Berwick Street
I do not remember her name, why I am not sure, I mean it is not as though she was unmemorable damn its frustrating, I am sure it was Zara. She walked with confidence and a look of awe on her face, I thought to myself at the time, what a strange girl but I liked her none the less, she had gumption. The corner of Berwick street was so busy that I really did not want to sit outside so we went inside instead, the girl behind the bar was tall with long blond hair, big tits that I fantasised about while watching her serve the weary tourists. As I walked up to the bar she saw me coming, I smiled, she smiled back, we locked eye contact until I reached the stable door whereupon she lowered her gaze and giggled girlishly, I returned the nervous gesture. My mind worked slowly as my words ran fast from my mouth, “I think I fancy you and I also think you fancy me, do you want a drink later…with me?” “yes I would like that, here, take my number and call me after ten”. I took the number and walked back to the corner table, Zara was smiling but I was not, I don’t show satisfaction, it is such a Karma alerting trait. I walked outside, Zara followed, we sat quite happily on a bench situated on the corner of Berwick street. I smelt his French cologne before I saw him, I watched him cross the road enter the chip shop and take a small box from his left jacket pocket which he lifted over the counter and handed to the girl….drugs I thought. I didn’t phone the girl from behind the bar, I often think of her for the simple reason, she was the first girl I had asked out on a date, always thought to myself, what an attractive girl, shame she is Australian
Many thanks....All feedback greatly appreciated be it good, bad or indifferent
x
-
QUESTION:
Abstract Short Stories.?
Blind
Turning and spinning so fast, the wheels on my bike looked blurred and distorted spinning out of control but the rubber gripped the road so firmly I felt safe for a while, I might dismantle this bloody bike when I get home, put him on his head, unscrew his bolts that hold him firmly together, piece by piece I will dissect his anatomy until beside me on the drive he will lye in segments of metal bars, long screws, short screws, bolts, buckles rubber and rust. I decided to take a walk instead, possibly not instead but for now a walk it is. I find it quite odd at this time of night, the thick cold air with its mist drawing patterns in the nothingness, distorted clouds swim almost unnoticed high above, I find it odd why people choose to lock their doors, swoosh shut their curtains resigning to their beloved sofa trapping their minds with modern times and it’s twisted agenda, does this mean they now have twisted agendas to?
The day
Small stones crept up between my toes as I pushed one foot in front of the other, walking with haste and trepidation I noticed the landmark, the landmark I put on the map of directions to my past. The air was warm but it held a steady breeze which on occasion disturbed my memories. I slipped off my shoes, tied the laces together and hung them round my neck. The water tickled my toes, I liked it, so I sat down in the exact spot I had that day, allowing the water to work its way up my calf. In the distance I can see hair floating, the not quite “normal” looking pinkish mass bobbing for attention, I ran, swam scooped the mass up on my back and with one arm swam back to the spot I had been sat in not 5 minutes ago, warming my flesh under the hot summer sun. I tried I said to myself, I tried….But the flesh didn’t warm, the signs did not come, the hair dried under the suns intense heat and I remember thinking……. So this is what its like! I no longer fear for my day which is the oddest thing, as I still fear for theirs.
Berwick Street
I do not remember her name, why I am not sure, I mean it is not as though she was unmemorable damn its frustrating, I am sure it was Zara. She walked with confidence and a look of awe on her face, I thought to myself at the time, what a strange girl but I liked her none the less, she had gumption. The corner of Berwick street was so busy that I really did not want to sit outside so we went inside instead, the girl behind the bar was tall with long blond hair, big tits that I fantasised about while watching her serve the weary tourists. As I walked up to the bar she saw me coming, I smiled, she smiled back, we locked eye contact until I reached the stable door whereupon she lowered her gaze and giggled girlishly, I returned the nervous gesture. My mind worked slowly as my words ran fast from my mouth, “I think I fancy you and I also think you fancy me, do you want a drink later…with me?” “yes I would like that, here, take my number and call me after ten”. I took the number and walked back to the corner table, Zara was smiling but I was not, I don’t show satisfaction, it is such a Karma alerting trait. I walked outside, Zara followed, we sat quite happily on a bench situated on the corner of Berwick street. I smelt his French cologne before I saw him, I watched him cross the road enter the chip shop and take a small box from his left jacket pocket which he lifted over the counter and handed to the girl….drugs I thought. I didn’t phone the girl from behind the bar, I often think of her for the simple reason, she was the first girl I had asked out on a date, always thought to myself, what an attractive girl, shame she is Australian
I would appreciate any opinions, good bad or indifferent
Many thanks
x
Thankyou for the lovely opinions xx
-
QUESTION:
Do you think i'm an ok writer?
I don't plan on being that good of a writer, but i was just wondering if you think if my book beginning was a good. i'm 12 years old and love to write. next year i'm going in seventh grade. Feel free to write some suggestions and go to this website to read more. Thanks!
http://www.worthyofpublishing.com/chapter.asp?chapter_ID=8286
The sun shone through the closed curtains of my new bedroom. How could so much change in one week?
What felt like forever was now just the beginning of my new life. It had all started when my Mom, Stephanie, fell down with cancer. My Stepfather had kept telling me everything was going to be all right, but even my Mom wasn’t afraid to tell me that it wasn’t.
Just yesterday I was wearing a black dress, and crying; ruining my mascara as it ran down my cheeks. It had gotten my face all pudgy and big.
Now I was stuck here with my real father who I hadn’t met until my Mother’s funeral had started.
His name was Max. He was quite handsome and was only in his thirties. To my mom he was just the man who had gotten her pregnant at seventeen.
That’s what I wanted to think of him as, but he wasn’t that man anymore. It was a different feeling than what I had felt when I heard about the stories my mom had told me about him.
He might not be dad now, but he could be my friend sometime. Max wasn’t that bad after all.
The first time that we looked at each other, our jaws dropped, from how close the resemblances were. He had short dark brown hair, which was the color of milk chocolate. My hair was almost the same color, but just a tint lighter from my mom’s blond hair. His blue eyes twinkled, from the happiness in his eyes. Just like mine did. Except for not right now. Max had the same dimple in his chin. The one where when you smiled you could see it right away. It was like his signature for his face.
That thought made me laugh. I touched my chin where my dimple showed. But mine was deeper written in my face.
I rubbed my eyes and got up from the double bed. I could smell fried eggs and bacon being made downstairs while someone hummed with joy. Max was a professional chef, unlike my mom. My mom couldn’t make cereal. I remember always having to make everything for dinner and holidays. It would be a change having a break for once.
I went to the over sized closet doors and opened the French closet doors.
I gasped from what I saw. The closet was at least ten yards long and the width was not even imaginable. Row after row was the most fancy clothes that you could think of. Wow, I guess Max wanted me to feel welcome.
I went to the rail that was closest and grabbed a pair of jeans. I tried to remember this rail would come in handy for school. The new school was going to be hard to get used to. I never fit into anywhere. My mom had tried so much for me to make friends, but it was just not possible.
I walked down to the far sidewall and looked at every shirt. I picked out one with a v-shaped neckline that was a light gray and with lace at the bottom. Looks like Max had some average clothes too, incase I wasn’t like other girls. I would have to remind myself to thank him later.
I heard footsteps and a light knock on the door.
“ May I come in?”
“ Um, sure,” The door opened and Max smiled, seeing that I had found my way into the big closet.
“ Hey I thought you might want some breakfast before you go to school. You hungry?” Just then my stomach growled and Max smiled even more.
“ I guess I wouldn’t mind some breakfast,”
We walked down to the kitchen together and I took a seat on a stool. The smell of breakfast was overwhelming. Max put a plate full of strawberries, eggs, toast, and bacon in front of me. He started humming and moving around the kitchen.
I couldn’t help, but to smile at him. “What?” He asked with a wide grin across his face.
“Nothing. I’m just not used to being with you, that’s all.” He came to my side and put his right arm over my shoulders.
“ Well, Truce you better get used to this, because this is who I am,” He paused and turned to put his lips right next to my ear, “I’m not used to having a girl in the house so you got to be patient with me,” It was a very soft whisper.
I knew that this would be so easy to get used to. Why did my mom just let him go like this? This was my father and I knew that there would come a day when I really could call him Dad.
Max got up and paced to the counter and opened up a cupboard. On the top shelf was a crinkled brown envelope. He took it in his hands and went back to where I was sitting. He handed the envelope and I just stared at his face.
“What’s this?” I was stunned by the look that Max wore on his face. It was puzzled and just as bit curious as I was. It showed me that he had no clue what that envelope contained.
“I don’t know. Your Mother sent it to me, knowing that you would come and live with me, but I never opened it. I wanted to wait until you were actually here.” I looked down at the enve
-
QUESTION:
Opinion on the beginning of my story about a teenage stripper?
PRETTY ON THE INSIDE
I was aware of my underwear being slightly dirty and slightly too loose. I wondered if I could pin it discreetly in the back to keep it up and if it would look weird. I was self conscious of the pink and white patterns, patches of feminine polka dots, plaid, and stripes, that loosely patched together to form this lingerie. No. Not lingerie. Lingerie was a word too sophisticated for what I was wearing. It implied beautiful, sexy girls in lace, who could speak French and kiss well. Long legs and lipstick. I, on the other hand, speak a half-assed Spanish and and am slightly stubby. I have had few boyfriends and lipstick only adds attention to my yellow teeth. I was not wearing any lingerie. No. The patterns that loomed and wove themselves self between my legs instead brought another word to mind. Panties. Panties evoked images of sluts who strip to pay rent and sleep with married men. And I was, indead, wearing panties. They were too thin in some places, too thick in others. Worn from wear. They looked childish, girly, young on my adolescent legs. Vulnerable. I wondered how many people were paying to see me to look exactly like that. Creeps in the audience, disgusted and pleased at the same time to the pleasant surprise of their own b0ner to a teenager. A virtual child. I might have hated my job, but I was can't deny that I'm good at it. I felt my panties sag in the back and pulled them up a bit, my shaky fingers slipping on the silky fabric, struggling to make them stay in the desired position. Not sagging around my @ss, high on my hips. My mom bought them for me about a year and a half ago, expecting them to only be worn under jeans, only to be worn when my cuter underwear was in the wash. She never intended it to be worn like this. But here I was. In panties. Behind the curtain, a small veil shielding me from perverts, distancing me only feet away from their penises and grime. I was so many worlds closer to them then I wanted to be. The curtain was lifted, and I was greeted with yells and bright light. Slut. Whore. Strip. The abuse was my applause. It meant I was doing it right. I shook my skinny, teenage hips a little and tried to vacate my mind, lend it to their vacuum souls. My panties came off with a smile.
-
ANSWER:
Interesting opening that keeps you intrigued enough to continue reading. This story gets confusing due to wording issues. Clean up the typos, misspelled words, grammatical errors & run-on sentences. Good concept, however.
-
QUESTION:
Opinion on the beginning of my story about a teenage stripper?
PRETTY ON THE INSIDE
I was aware of my underwear being slightly dirty and slightly too loose. I wondered if I could pin it discreetly in the back to keep it up and if it would look weird. I was self conscious of the pink and white patterns, patches of feminine polka dots, plaid, and stripes, that loosely patched together to form this lingerie. No. Not lingerie. Lingerie was a word too sophisticated for what I was wearing. It implied beautiful, sexy girls in lace, who could speak French and kiss well. Long legs and lipstick. I, on the other hand, speak a half-assed Spanish and and am slightly stubby. I have had few boyfriends and lipstick only adds attention to my yellow teeth. I was not wearing any lingerie. No. The patterns that loomed and wove themselves self between my legs instead brought another word to mind. Panties. Panties evoked images of sluts who strip to pay rent and sleep with married men. And I was, indead, wearing panties. They were too thin in some places, too thick in others. Worn from wear. They looked childish, girly, young on my adolescent legs. Vulnerable. I wondered how many people were paying to see me to look exactly like that. Creeps in the audience, disgusted and pleased at the same time to the pleasant surprise of their own b0ner to a teenager. A virtual child. I might have hated my job, but I was can't deny that I'm good at it. I felt my panties sag in the back and pulled them up a bit, my shaky fingers slipping on the silky fabric, struggling to make them stay in the desired position. Not sagging around my @ss, high on my hips. My mom bought them for me about a year and a half ago, expecting them to only be worn under jeans, only to be worn when my cuter underwear was in the wash. She never intended it to be worn like this. But here I was. In panties. Behind the curtain, a small veil shielding me from perverts, distancing me only feet away from their penises and grime. I was so many worlds closer to them then I wanted to be. The curtain was lifted, and I was greeted with yells and bright light. Slut. Whore. Strip. The abuse was my applause. It meant I was doing it right. I shook my skinny, teenage hips a little and tried to vacate my mind, lend it to their vacuum souls. My panties came off with a smile.
-
ANSWER:
First of all:
The title is misleading. "Pretty on the Inside" makes me think it's going to be about some fat girl who commits suicide because people make fun of her for being fat, even though she has a great personality and a few great friends. Strippers are generally pretty on the outside, I would think. That's why men are willing to pay for them to dance for them.
Second, I would say that most stripper-wear is of the leather/ fishnet/polyester/vinyl/lingerie/strange costume variety, and they probably tend to wear full on makeup. A professional stripper wouldn't wear worn and dirty cotton panties on the job...
Another thing, if this girl is working at a strip joint, they would not have hired her until she was at LEAST 18, probably 21, for fear of being sued. That's not so young that she could really be described as being as childish as you describe her.
One last suggestion, if this is for real and it matters to you, I would interview some strippers to get their stories (unless you're a kid, in which case, DON'T!!!!) or read some books/ watch some movies about their lives, and figure out why they do it, and put some more of those kinds of motivations into your character's thought process.
(of course I'm not saying any of this from experience...)